I like to wake up happy, and I usually do. I’ll ask Mike “what’s new” since he’s usually up for a couple of hours before me, has read the news, made coffee, walked Uli… likely put dishes in the dishwasher etc… He told me about an interaction between two people and I was immediately in a bad mood (I did shake it off) I just will never understand how someone can feel good about making another person feel guilty about something they did or didn’t do. When I was in my early 30s, I went to therapy by myself because I was having a hard time in my life – I had two little girls who I loved more than anything but I felt like I was doing things because I was ‘supposed to’ not because I wanted to or that I thought it was the best thing to do. The therapist told me to take “should and shouldn’t, “always” and “never” out of my vocabulary and if someone tried to push a ‘should’ on me, I didn’t have to accept it. “You should be visiting more often” “You should be working more hours” “You shouldn’t be feeding the girls a vegetarian diet” the list went on and on. I also went to therapy again because I was still grieving the loss of my brother in law and father in law, two people who were very open with their love for me, their family, their lives and I couldn’t believe my greatest in the world little girls would not have an Uncle Chris to love on them or a Grandpa that would have spoiled them rotten with love. I could not stand that they weren’t ever going to enjoy these fabulous children in our family. It was too much and I decided that I needed the tools to not GAF what other people expected of me, I was going to live my life with love and stand up for myself and my family and my daughters – I wouldn’t make people feel guilty for the ways they talked to me or treated me – I would just stop talking to them and stop being around them. All these years later and I am very comfortable with the decisions I’ve made in my life, I have no regrets and I don’t make people feel guilty for anything they did or said to me in the past (or in the present) I’ve done my absolute best to never have my daughters or husband feel anything but love from me. So hearing that someone tried to make someone else feel guilty just (trigger warning) triggered me LOLOLOL. Eh… I went to work and went to my dads and the feelings dissipated – every day should be my peaceful day regardless of what people do and say to others. The Christina A book also puts things into perspective, it is one of the most powerful autobiographies I’ve read in a while, she is amazing. Interesting what childhood trauma can do to an adults body and mind. Worked the 5:30am shift at hot and went to main to check the phone message book. Then off to King George.
My dad looked and felt great when I arrived – HOLA DIANNE, sitting with him in his nonsense with our coffees made me calm down and I felt my mood lighten. Shirley went out to run some errands and then walk with her neighbor so I did lunchtime with my dad, a personal pizza and a big glass of water on his birthday table as we listened to his music. We talked and sang, just what I needed. I’d picked up an evening shift at element so I left my dads, picked up an impossible whopper and drove to the city dock and ate my whopper and listened to my book. Night shift was great, lots of familiar faces, felt productive. Went home to my guys, had a couple of peanut butter cups, watched a show and went to bed. Be peaceful, don’t give guilt trips, just be a good person and if you want to talk to someone and tell them how you are, just call them. Bye for now.
DiForYou 