March 26 & 27

3/25: Doubling up because Thursday was another long but productive day – I was still feeling a bit out of sorts, maybe it was because Anne was travelling and wasn’t coming in behind me as she normally does on Thurs but my new lady that I mentioned I went to coffee with a couple of Tuesdays ago – note to self, remember when you are back from vacation to make a date to meet up with her again. Leaving the spa I remembered to call my mom instead of starting my book IMMEDIATELY I could listen to Christina Applegate narrate anything, her stories are just so interesting too. I love a story. I can remember being in elementary school and my favorite thing was going to the library and listening to Miss Koslow read us stories. I didn’t know until much later in life that my mom was asked to let me be in a gifted kind of program in elementary school, but she didn’t want me to do it because she didn’t want me to be separated and different from the other kids, or something like that. It was because when I entered kindergarten, without having been read to (I say it this way because Mike and I read a gazillion books to our girls before they were 5) or having gone to pre-school or anything like that, no camps, no dance or music classes – I just watched Sesame Street and The Electric Company and my first reading test in kindergarten unveiled that I was already reading at a 3rd grade level. LOL Anyway, each year I was in my own reading group of 1, okay like that isn’t making me appear different to my classmates haha, but I would also go to the younger grades and help kids with their letters or reading and I’d get to read stories, like Miss Koslow. <heart eyes emoji>

Talked to my mom, picked up Jersey Mikes and then listened to a little more of my book. BS with our trip was making my nervous system wonky, I kept checking the element app to see if my new gal made it in and I was using the indicator that the 4:00 guest was checked in. By 4:10 I was in a full panic spiral because the green check wasn’t there, thinking that she didn’t realize I was talking about TODAY when I said we needed someone for 3/25 from 2:45-8 (like am I crazy to think someone misunderstood something that specific??? UGH) I texted her, waited, then called her, I texted Jesse and then called Jesse for one ring because she texted back “I’m here with one guest in the space” to which I said “Oh thank you for letting me know and don’t forget to check him in” then Jesse called me back and I told him how panicked I’d gotten and he (as is his way) calmed me down and told me he doesn’t want me to panic but appreciates that I care that much. Gosh, so lucky to have a friend like Jesse, he and Anne are the best business owners. Thinking that would ease my unease, I started to read the news and it was just too much for me, I gave up. No photos from Thursday, I didn’t even review the bird buddy videos which usually make me laugh, I was too jittery. Gummy and Jersey Mikes helped. I did have a super sugary dessert which was good when I ate it but I think it effected my system haha my legs were super cramping while we watched TV, I got some Dead Sea magnesium spray and sprayed it on my legs and the bottoms of my feet. I drank some more water than normal for night time. Went to bed and it was worse, I got up and drank a glass of water and took a magnesium tablet. Drifted off to sleep…

3/26: woke up dizzy. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this. Opened my eyes and the room was spinning, like it used to when I was little. It would happen to me before I’d fall asleep, I can remember the room spinning so bad that I managed to get up, go into the living room and tell my dad “Daddy, I’m trying to fall asleep but when I open my eyes the room is spinning and tilting” and he said “Just close your eyes and go to sleep that’s what I do” OMG obviously that’s what I was trying to do, too!! LOL.I shared a room with Denise and she was like my dad and could fall asleep fast so my pleas to her were going unanswered, I can see it in my mind looking over toward her bed and seeing the line where the ceiling met the wall tilting side to side and willing it to stop and stay straight. Clearly this little gal was suffering from anxiety! This morning I opened my eyes and saw that same tilting, got up to the bathroom and really was like ‘woah’. When Iris opened the door and shortly thereafter Uli bounded in, I called to Mike “can you bring me a water, too” (with my coffee that he very lovingly brings to me every morning) all he had to ask is “what’s wrong” and I went into it all, stress of lots of things. I texted my sister and she gave me the best advice “do your breathing, focus on your breath, give yourself a hug, move gently, you got this” she always says that I’m her rock, but she is my rock too. Each of my sisters in their own way are the person I can turn to.
I think it was all a combo of the cramping (not enough water, too much sugar in that dessert, standing on my feet all day in flat flip flops or barefoot on concrete floors) the way I had been feeling about people making other people feel guilty, and the anxious thoughts surrounding our trip that has been totally out of control – I was even stressing that I needed to buy wildflower seed so I could get it put down before we go so that it can grow in April, even that felt overwhelming. But talking with Mike, getting outside this morning to fill the birdfeeders at 7:30, redoing our tourist visas because our depart date is now April 2nd, lining up standby subs for my shifts that I’ll be missing and then taking my coffee outside to the front yard to capture with the Merlin app, all of the bird songs – this morning I heard 17 different birds in a span of 5 minutes. The app is so cool, you record and as a bird sings it shows up in the list. By the time I took a shower and was heading out to my dads at 9, I felt nearly 100% perfectly fine.

Shirley had a hair appointment so I got to my dad’s early, but we didn’t have overlap so he was by himself for 10 minutes – I got there and he was sitting in his spot, coffee on the table and a bowl of apples finished by his side. I sat down and said “once the guys are done cutting the grass I’ll take you to the barber and then we can get lunch” and he said “whatever you wanna do” lol. Put on his playlist in the car and had a little jam sesh first song was Boston – More Than A Feeling, got to the barber and Fridays are walkins so we had to wait behind 5 others so we waited in the car and kept listening to music. Our turn, got him in the seat after a few tries and he held his hat and glasses as she worked her magic. I had to snap a photo of this expression of his, making sure she doesn’t cut off his ear! LOL. When she put the warm washcloth on his neck and head I heard him say quietly “oh that feels so nice” and she smiled and said “I know you like this part”

After his ‘spa day’ and back in the car I asked him “do you want to split an eggplant parm sub for lunch before we head home” and he said “sounds good to me” so we went to Vinny’s (Happy Landings) haha I think I mentioned that in an earlier blog. I keep calling it Vinny’s Happy Endings haha I directed him in and since he has trouble sitting down at a table or booth I had to problem solve a little, he tried to sit on the table which Shirley has told me he’s done before but I just gently moved the table and was able to get him onto the bench and slid his legs to the under the table position and then I moved the table. As I was doing all this, a middle agedish woman in the booth behind him was smiling at me and of course smiley me, I was smiling back. I heard her server ask if she needed anything else and she very cheerfully said to him “no, just the check” a few minutes later as I was turned towards the windows the woman was at our table and bawling, saying something and moving the napkins on our table – I jumped up and hugged her as I heard her say “I want to pay for your lunch I miss my dad so much” she had put $30 cash on the table and I said “oh my gosh you don’t have to do that and she said “I want to, I miss my dad” I gave her a big hug and said thank you and she whisked out the door.

I watched her in the parking lot and my dad said “what happened” and when I told him, we both got teary and he said “that makes me sad too” and we talked about how we miss people that we don’t see anymore but that we know they are somewhere, just not with us. I say that because sometimes he says his parents are alive and he isn’t sure where they are. I’ve stopped mentioning that they died, it serves no purpose. I said to him “we are together now, and you’ll always have me” Our lunch was delicious, you’d have thought my dad hadn’t ever tasted anything as good as a ginger ale HAHA he kept taking a sip, go to put it down and then pick it up again and sip some more saying “this is really good” he ate all of his half a sandwich without getting sauce on his pants (my bad prediction, I did put a napkin in his lap but it was clean white when we were done but his face and hands were another story) and most of his fries. When I paid with the $30 from the woman at the table behind us I asked her server if he’d seen her before and he said he had not. I said “we were just meant to be here at the same time I guess” that is what Jillian said when I texted them “She was meant to see you guys”. The human connection, it is always there if your heart is open to it. Chatting with strangers on trains, volunteering with people you don’t know, getting out into the world and experiencing what other people think and feel – it’s nothing to be scared of. I know I’ve documented it here so I won’t forget it, but the feel of that strangers tears on my cheek from my hugging her will ensure that I won’t forget the connection. Be peaceful and cool, bye for now.